How to Change Your Mindset as a Homemaker

Last Updated on November 9, 2023 by Gabby Hatten

When you’re in the thick of raising kids, managing a household, new jobs and careers, and just dealing with the overwhelm that is life, it’s easy to put your blinders on. It’s easy to miss the little things, and it’s easy to let yourself wallow in self pity. But it doesn’t have to be that way. On the first episode of the podcast, we talked about how we can change our mindset as a homemaker and bring in more joy.

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Episode Transcription

Introduction

Hello, and welcome to The Clove Hearth podcast. My name is Gabby, and you may know me as the creator over at HattenHomestead dot com. I created this podcast with the intent of focusing more on the homemaking aspect of things and what we do talk about over on the blog as well. But just to be more of a community for you know, homemakers, parents, and to just really have intimate chats about a lot of big things that we deal with on a daily basis. And hopefully, it can be a place to inspire you and help you navigate creating a comfy and cozy and nurturing home for you and your family.

changing your mindset- it’s not a chore

For my very first episode, I wanted to talk about something that has just really been heavy on my mind and my heart for a really long time now. And it comes down to just changing your mindset as a homemaker. This is something that I have not always realized, this is not something that I have always been great at, I’m still not perfect at it, it’s still something that I have to work on every single day. And I just want to talk about some of the lightbulbs that have gone off in my head, regarding this topic, and just things that have really helped me and will hopefully help you too.

Now, this first light bulb may sound a little cliche, but it is 100% true. And at the same time, it’s something so simple. And I think that’s why a lot of us just glance over it and don’t truly take it to heart. But it’s one of those things that once you truly believe it, take it to heart, let it change your mind. It fundamentally changes how you operate as a homemaker. So with that being said, it is to simply stop looking at everything as a chore or a burden, and see it for what it really is; a blessing and a chance to show your love for your family.

Okay, but what do I mean by that? Does that mean that I have to be smiling and just so excited and thrilled that I have three loads of laundry to do and a sink full of dishes I need to get done? No, that is not what it means. Trust me, I am the worst when it comes to laundry, you can ask my husband. I will wash laundry all day long, I will dry it all day long. But when it comes to folding? That is where I struggle. I am really bad at just getting things washed and dried and then leaving the laundry basket in the corner and grabbing out of it as we need instead of taking the 10-15 minutes it takes to fold it and put it away. So I am not by any means saying that the greatest joys in your day are doing the dishes and your laundry because of course that in itself is not the most exciting thing to do.

What I mean by that is having an overall smooth operating household creates an overall better sense of peace, of happiness, just an overall better atmosphere. And when I say a better operating home, what makes a home operate smoothly? It’s doing all those tasks, doing the dishes, doing the laundry, sweeping, wiping off counters, making your food, planning out groceries, all the things that need to happen in a home. All the little chores and tasks are what amount to a home operating smoothly. Now as someone who has never been the most organized person, or great at time management, I’m still quite awful at time management, to be honest, it’s something I really have to work with on a daily basis, {you will hear children in the background on this podcast, by the way, if that is not your cup of tea, go ahead and skip on}

Anyway, someone who is not just a naturally born, you know, great time management, scheduler, task completer. It’s been difficult, it’s been difficult. But I will say, if you are like me, or you just struggle, you don’t have that natural inclination, and you don’t just love getting up at five o’clock in the morning to get all your household chores done before everyone’s awake, that’s okay. It can be done. It really can. It’s just done differently.

So I know for me, and this may be true for you as well. One of the biggest, I’ll say it is the biggest factor with struggling to keep your house, you know, tidy and put together is having too much stuff that you don’t use. I am low-key kind of a hoarder, honestly, {not really okay I don’t have a hoarder house} But I just I’m a very, kind of to a fault, a very sentimental person. I put sentimental value in nearly everything. I mean, we could go through my house. And you could point to things and I’d say probably 90% of the items you point to, it’s going to have some sort of sentimental value. So that’s been the hardest thing for me when it comes to decluttering. And getting rid of items and trying to have a more minimalist approach. It’s really hard to get rid of things that you add sentimental value to. So that’s kind of a constant battle that I go through. But at the end of the day, when I do get over that, and I manage to clear things out and donate things. I’m not going to lie, I do think about it for probably too long after it’s done. But I do inevitably feel so much better. So don’t let that hinder you from getting rid of things. Just understand that yes, you will probably think about it for a little bit after the fact and it will be a bummer. But after you will feel so much better. I think as homemakers a lot of us make it so much more difficult for ourselves than it has to be. And the clutter issue is honestly one of the biggest issues I see not just myself that I personally deal with, but friends, family, people on the internet, it’s really an overwhelming issue across the board. And once you get over that hump, everything is going to be 10 times easier. Everything is going to be way less of a chore, it’s going to take less time to get your house clean, it’s just going to be so much easier and just looks wise you’re going to feel so much better. So I didn’t really mean to go on a tangent about decluttering and sentimental value and things like that. But I did want to point it out because it is the biggest roadblock for so many of us. So if you take that to heart, understand it and you can eliminate that you’re just going to make your life so much easier. And it’s going to be that much easier for you to change your mindset as a homemaker, stop looking at everything as a chore or a burden and truly look at everything that you’re doing on a day to day basis as a blessing and the chance for you to show your family how much you love them.

Managing your time as a homemaker

Now I know I already lightly touched on the time management aspects, but it deserves its own light bulb. And I’m going to get into it a little bit deeper now. So learning to manage your time wisely, is so so very important. Just recently, gosh, I think it was two or three days ago, I saw a post in a local mom group. And she was stating that her eight year old had come to her and told her that he feels left out because kids at his school have their lunches made by their mom, but he has to make his own. She was asking, you know what others do at that age, and also stated that her mornings are just way too busy and chaotic and she couldn’t possibly make his lunch for him. It was really sad for me to see that in the comments, because I feel like everyone just completely looked over the point, you know, your child is coming to you and telling you how something makes them feel. And instead of listening and taking it to heart, you just say Nope, don’t have the time for that. And this is where time management really comes into play. If we are managing our time wisely and not living in chaos, and oh, mornings are chaos. afternoons are chaos, dinnertime is chaos. If we eliminate that and can make it more efficient, you’re not going to gloss over those moments with your children. And when they come to you and they say something, you’re going to listen instead of being too consumed by the chaos. So yeah, that just made my mama heart hurt. And luckily, a lot of moms did come to comment and say, Listen, he’s coming to you. He’s expressing how he feels, maybe make his lunches on Fridays, you know, make it a special day, pack some cute little sticky notes with little, you know, nice things on it, just make it special. And for me looking in on that, pack lunches the night before. You don’t have to pack them in the morning, if your mornings are already busy. Make it the night before, make it the day before make it whenever you have time. You know, it doesn’t have to be that morning, just find a solution that works. And overall, just make time for the things that matter most to your kids. Especially because in our brain, the things that matter most probably aren’t the same things in their brain as the things that matter most. So if we can just take time, give ourselves time to slow down. Listen to what they have to say, you’re going to learn a lot. You really are. And our kids deserve that.

Turn on your ears- listen to your kids

Light bulb number three is to turn on your ears. I think it’s all too easy for us to tune out the noises in order to get the never ending list of tasks done. But at what cost? What are you missing? Not a day goes by that my kids don’t say something that gets my wheels turning. And imagine if I miss those gems. And I didn’t have those memories to look back on. Just take time. Make it a point to truly listen to your kids. Don’t tune them out all the time. You never know what you’ll miss.

Stop feeling guilty- you’re doing your best mama

The next light bulb moment is something I know for a fact every mother out there struggles with- Stop feeling guilty. It is so immobilizing. Instead of simmering and thinking about the things you don’t get done, or the things you think you could have done better, simply strive to improve and continue to do better every single day. Because every single day is a fresh start and a new opportunity to do the things that you want to do that you didn’t get done before. There is no reason to feel guilty about any of those things. You are only human you cannot get everything done in a day. And that’s fine. Are your kids loved? Are they fed? Are they clothed? Are they happy? If you answered yes to those questions, then yes, you are doing a fantastic job. Do not worry about the rest.

Your home is a living, breathing, creature- treat it as such

Now. This next light bulb is something that really hit me this year and it’s something I’m still, you know, working on every single day, taking it to heart, but it really, really helped change my mindset and the way I look at my house in general. And it’s to think of your home as a living, breathing creature. It needs to be maintained to do its job. And it needs love, just like any of us. Now, I know my situation is not going to be everyone’s situation, all our situations are going to look different. But it’s the principles that you can still take to your own home. So to many dogs, I have a hairless cat that lives inside. And then I also have a family of feral outside kitties that I feed and have been living on for the past almost four years. I’ve tried to get them inside, but they’re not about it. And that’s fine. So I just feed them give them love every day. And they’re, they’re always out there. So yeah, I have a lot of animals around here. And I started to kind of take my mindset when it comes to, you know, going outside and doing your animal chores, feeding the goats feeding the chickens, washing out their water containers, giving them fresh water several times a day, I started to take how I felt and thought about doing those chores, which I absolutely love, by the way. And I twist it to my house chores, because I was like, why can’t I enjoy cleaning my kitchen? As much as I enjoy going outside and feeding the goats? Why can’t I and doing the house chores, really understanding that there are so many wheels turning in a home that make it operate to the best of its abilities. And if you do yourself a favor and figure out what it is for your household because we’re all going to have different things. You know, what I may need to feel at peace in my home isn’t going to be what you need to feel at peace in your home. So really take the time and try to visualize what you want your home to look like for your family. Now I’m not talking about I mean, you can include cosmetic things, you know, I’m someone who really loves interior design. I’m a real estate agent. So I love looking at houses, seeing trends, you know, see what people are doing. And for me personally, I love old houses. I want everything in my house to be vintage, repurposed, old fashion. You know, My dream is to live in a house built in the 1700s, 1800s, tops 1900s. So I love all things old. So I really like to, you know, visualize antique aspects of my home. So feel free to do the cosmetic part because I think when you spend a lot of time in the home and you’re the one maintaining the home and doing all the things in the home, it does help to be visually pleased with how it looks as well. But what I’m really trying to say is to picture what your mornings look like, picture what dinner time looks like. Picture what laundry day looks like, what mopping day looks like, you know what, what are the things that you’re going to do daily vs weekly vs monthly vs biannually? You know, there’s a lot of things that come to maintaining a home you have outside chores, how often are you going to pressure wash your home, think of all those things that need to be done in the time span of a year and figure out what you want that timeline to look like, when do you want to get that done. You have unfinished projects that need to get done. Ideally when would you like those done by just think about how your factory your home is going to operate in your perfect world. And then once you have that image you can figure out okay, here are the steps I can take daily to get that here are the steps I can move weekly to get that this is what my Saturdays will look like hey this day works best because my husband’s home as well and he can help with this or that and have a plan. It truly, truly makes all the difference and I’m someone who usually doesn’t like to plan. I am a very go with the flow fly by the seat of my pants kind of gal. It is what it is, you know oh what are we doing today? Oh we can do that tomorrow or next week doesn’t matter to me. But having some sort of structure is so beneficial to not only you, but everyone in your home and to your home itself. So definitely figure out what your ideal structure is. And then you can start small and build a plan and just go from there.

Bring nature into your home

Now, my last lightbulb moment is to just incorporate nature, bring the natural world into your home, because the benefits are never ending. Now, what I mean by that, and again, this is something that is going to look extremely different for every person, because obviously, not everyone lives out in the country, and is going to have the same things available to them, I do. But this is still something that no matter where you live, you can you can walk outside, if you can walk outside, then you can take this to heart and incorporate this. So something I’ve really been loving and working on for gosh, the past two, three years, but especially like, hardcore this year, is having my kids be outside daily, even if it’s just you know, taking a picnic blanket in the front yard and eating our lunch on the picnic blanket and then going outside. It doesn’t have to be I think a lot of people think like, Oh, you got to get your kids outside, and they think it means go spend three hours at the park. And while that’s fun, and kids absolutely will love that. That’s not what you have to do daily, just getting your kids outside, even if it’s only five minutes just to get them outside every single day. It is amazing.

Another thing is I’ve really been paying attention to the seasons, and just wanting to more naturally flow with the seasons and not trying to you know, eat foods that aren’t in season, but they’re at the grocery store. So when you’re meal planning, pay attention to what you can get at your farmers market versus what you can get at the grocery store, and maybe focus on eating the foods that you’re getting at the farmers market, and not the things that you can get at the grocery store. For example, my six year old has been talking about how much he misses watermelon. And I was like I know I miss it to you. But you know, it’s not in season. We’ll get it when they roll out in the summertime at our farmers market. But living when I say bring the natural world in, I’m not just talking about food. I think it goes deeper than just food and eating with the seasons. But that is a perfect start. And I definitely recommend you do that. So we have eating with the seasons. Decorating with the seasons I love to I’m huge on decorating. If my budget was infinite, I’d have some Kardashian level decorating when it comes to holidays and just the general seasons and things like that. I absolutely love it. It brings me so much joy and happiness and the kids love it too. They love to see the decorations. And it’s something that is so simple and can be so affordable. It doesn’t have to be crazy, anyone can do it. You can make your own decorations, you just work with what you have and just put in that extra effort. And it is just so so special. And with decorating, bring in see see what you have in your front yard or your backyard, you would be amazed what you can find. I have a project right now I’m working on I just collected a bunch of sticks in my backyard. My goats had eaten all the leaves off them so I had a bunch of bear sticks. And so I broke those down and I’m going to smooth them out and try to make a wreath out of those and then use some of the leaves and foilage that I have in my yard to make a nice fall wintry wreath for my front door instead of going to Hobby Lobby and buying plastic and putting that on my door. So there are so many things that you can do once you really take the time to go out and be in nature. Just this year, I’ve started to really get into foraging. And I started by just going in my backyard and trying to identify as many plants as I could. And I was dumbfounded by how many things we had out there that were edible, that had medicinal properties, just so many amazing things that have just been chilling in my backyard. And I had no idea. So I’m really excited for this next spring and summer season, because I was a little late when I identified certain things, so I wasn’t able to harvest much and really utilize them. So I’m really looking forward to spring and summertime because I’m definitely going to be utilizing my very own backyard as much as I can. And I really encourage you to do the same.

Now, one last thing, kind of on the same topic, but a little bit more specific. If you have kids on the spectrum, going outside is so amazing, and calming for them. I know, for my four year old whenever she’s just having one of those days, and you know, is just really, really having a rough time. And there’s nothing I can do that helps. And she’s just, you know, upset with everyone and everything, we go outside. All her problems are immediately solved, She’s happy, she’s running around, she’s having fun, she’s laying down and looking up at the sky, she’s picking leaves and twigs, and you know, all the things. And it’s so simple like that cost nothing to walk into your front yard or your backyard. If you live in, you know, an apartment or somewhere you can’t just walk into a front yard or backyard, go to the park, go to a nature walk, go wherever you can walk and be in nature. And I promise your kids will be instantly happier. I mean, even even for you know, my other kids, if they’re just having a day where they’re just, you know, maybe they’re just extra hyper and they need to get their energy out. Or maybe it’s one of those days where they’re just not getting along with each other. And they’re being mean to each other. And, you know, everyone’s throwing fits, nobody wants to get along and play together, take them outside, boom, it’s like, it’s like they’re new kids, they’re happy, we come back inside, everyone’s ready for snacks or to eat and, you know, take a bath and relax the rest of the day, it is so beneficial for the kids, which is then beneficial for you as a parent. So do not forget about nature. Don’t ever underestimate the power of nature, it is there to help you. So with all those things being said, we’ll wrap it up for today.

But I just really want to end off on a positive note. And I really want everyone that is listening to know that this is hard. Like every day, I mean, just the world that we’re living in the things that are going on the depressing things that are on the news, there’s just so much bad and just sad in the world that I think it’s important now more than ever, to make sure that your home is your safe space, your haven and that it should be your escape and peace from the world and not just another thing that you dread or that you look at with disdain because it’s just so much that you have to do so. I hope that you really take that to heart and that you’re able to shift that mindset and start doing you know, even one of the things we talked about and just start small. You don’t have to get it done in a day. You know, for me for a long time I avoided trying to declutter, organize because I thought I had to do the whole house in a day. No start small especially if it’s something that is challenging to you. Don’t even start room by room. Start one thing in a room. For example, if you have a bookcase in your living room, start with just a bookcase. Take a day, go through your entire bookcase, open every door, every shelf, go through books that you haven’t touched, or no longer love, donate them. Start there and just do that room by room until you’ve tackled every piece of furniture in every room. And then go through and go through each room declutter, organize, and it will it will feel it will just feel like a smaller mountain to climb if you do it that way.

So start small, get any preconceived notions out of your head, there’s no right or wrong way to do it just start that is the most important thing is to just simply start. So I hope this encourages you to do that. I hope it points you in the right direction if you didn’t know where to start. And overall, just remember, you’re doing amazing, you’re doing the best you can and it’s a journey and we’re on it together. So I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day and I look forward to the next episode.

Author Profile

Gabby Hatten
Gabby Hatten
Hello there, I'm Gabby! I am a mother of three, married to my wonderful husband Marco, and I have a deep passion for simple living, vintage homes, and cooking everything from scratch! Although I grew up in Las Vegas, my husband's military service brought us to the east coast, where we have now made coastal North Carolina our home. While I didn't grow up on a farm, I have always been fascinated by that lifestyle and have dedicated my adult life to learning and embracing those skills, which I am excited to share with all of you!

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